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Stop! Do Not Pass Go

AngelaDear Archie and Angela:

On a first time internet date, I encountered an interesting situation. We met at a upscale restaurant to a glass of wine which turned into two glasses. Conversation and everything seemed to be going well. Then after a hour or so, he asked me if I wanted to stay and have dinner with him. I said yes and enjoyed a wonderful dinner. Great food and conversation. After dinner he cordially walked me to my car. We were talking and laughing as we walked through the parking lot. We got to my car and he sighed and I thought it was going to be time for the goodnight kiss. But instead he said “so, with a big sigh, do you have any STDs? ” I almost died. I didn’t know what to say except I made a joke about it, but he came back with a definite serious statement. My question is why would a man ever ruin a perfectly good date by making a statement like that?

Signed, Mystified
_____________

ANGELA:

Why?! would he do that? … Why does the Male cross the road? …

I have to give him the benefit of the doubt since he made such nice gestures/progress during drinks and dinner, that ultimately his intentions were good … but his timing totally sucked … and he just may have been one of those males who thinks with (both his) heads and doesn’t linger to listen to his gut (or heart) in the moment.

As a Woman, you felt the wonderful FLOW of actions, words, laughter, eye contact, perhaps small touches … and his question put an abrupt halt to the flow.  In sex (and sometimes romance) Women are like dimmer switches and Men are like on/off switches … nothing we can do about that but try to understand and be patient … but he exhibited an extreme case of flipping the off switch.

Now back to my guess that he had good intentions … (but I can feel in my body the jolt of that moment) … you have to admit that if he wasn’t interested enough to take the next step (intimacy of some sort), he wouldn’t have asked the question.  [If  you felt he was a player – which doesn’t seem the case – then he was just thinking of the next step, of giving you a good poke. And the question does come VERY early in the process of your dating. The chances of getting an STD from a good-night kiss are almost nil.]  So very bad timing and questions all around.  One point for being health conscious – but only one.  (Not that we’re keeping score.)

What you don’t say is what happened after that.  Perhaps you had a second date, and if he is a good conversationalist, had the opportunity to discern what his reason/motivation might have been.  From what you shared in your questions, I do think he deserved a second date and chance to redeem himself.  We are dying to know and would love to get a follow-up note!

Have hope!

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