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Invest or Divest?

ArchieDear Archie and Angela:

I’m usually described as a 63 year old voluptuous, vivacious, and viking-like, twice divorced single Woman. I have been married for a total of 35 years and have enjoyed my freedom in between marriages and during the last 3 years dating and most recently on-line. I screen carefully, because I show my sensuality in my photos and am not a shy nor prudish female. I am self-sufficient!
 
I am at a crossroads in my current relationship of 4 months and maybe your advice will push me in the direction I need to go.
 
Sexual intimacy with my “boyfriend” was only bestowed after he showed heart-felt romantic gestures to me and only after 3 months of dating and enjoying a lot of different activities and social situations. He wanted to push me, but I kept my foot firmly on the brakes until I thought he and this relationship had some depth developing and his intentions were genuine.
 
For the last several weeks however, my steady boyfriend has become noticably quieter; much less funny and light; increasingly he seems preoccupied and markedly ritualistic in showings of romance, affection, especially out in public. And he has more reasons (excuses?), for being too busy to go out with me at the drop of a hat as we used to.
 
For me the question is: Invest more of my romantic self? or Divest and cut my moody losses? What do you two think? I can now feel myself holding back when he wants to be “instantly” amorous. I am beginning to withdraw too. I don’t like this feeling.
 
Florence from Florida
_________________

ARCHIE

Dear Florence from Florida: (FFF) ……… not to be confused with Francis Up in Central Kentucky!
 
You present Angela and myself with a quandary of the first magnitude…… Yes! magnitude: and I use this descriptor advisedly because the first clue as to Archie’s humble advice will rest (maybe gravitate too), toward what “stand-out” attributes you’ve jutted out to attract Men in your on-line “Profile” pictures, (and maybe related prose too)!
 
Magnitude….. and curl the tongue for the oomlot…. sensuously on the “…tude”!  Your body, according to you is statuesque, “viking-like”… (maybe you meant more Valkyrie’?), but voluptuous, and your Profile pictures non-prudishly emphasize and assertively… uhhh put it out there. In addition You speak of ….”bestowing..” your sexual favors and pleasure-giving access (implied), after checking for “depth developing” and “genuine intentions” on the part (which specifically is not described), of the presumably panting and agitated Male. Later on in your letter, you cite Romantic displays previously given to you, such as being free to go out any time, and public showings of affection. Do these constitute, “depth development”?
 
Are you picking up Archie’s line of analysis by now, FFF?  I can’t seem to find any expressions of feelings of Love, and other “joining” and sharing kinds of ways that you and your steady  “boyfriend”  bond in your letter to A&A, dear lady. Or that you offer or expect. I do read that a great deal of your dating is about the Male giving you attention: sexually, time-wise, and publicly. Perhaps the exchange in what you’re putting out there to attract a Male, and what kind of key responses and attention you expect to be on-going, doesn’t really allow any …… “depth of development”. The Male is not continuing to give what you expect in return and that is quite unsettling. Can you both move deeper beyond the S..E..X thing. (and Archie doesn’t minimize the power of that polarity and excitement)??
 
Finally, FFF let’s take a look at the possible attributes you feature in attracting this or any other Male: Body (Voluptuous fersure!), Statuesque (tall, large, imposing)?, Self-Sufficient (in-charge, independent, wanting/lusting but not needing), and Assertive-Sexually forward, articulate about what you want and passionately desire…….. In short, FFF, Archie is suspecting that the bloom has quite moved on from this “rose-of-a-Romance”.  That  your boyfriend, having played the game rules successfully that you “installed”, is now “juggling” you with other Women, having already penetrated the imposing sexual Goddess’ screening devices, that you profess and profile yourself through in your “marketing”.
 
Invest Dear Lady?….. Archie thinks you best go back to a simple re-calculation of:

     1. What kind of relationship do I want?

     2. What kind of relationships am I now getting and find unsatisfactory? and

     3. What changes in my “marketing elements” in my Profile,  and in the “infatuation” dating period must I make?
 
Archie advises….. Divest!! and start over, a wiser Valkyrie’! Explore your spiritual and friendship realms and ways of relating. Body stuff quite often simply attracts and gains other Body stuff. Great? But for how long is this satisfying for you or the other party? By the way, FFF……….. What’s your phone number?… purely a Professional inquiry of course! I’d love to “dialogue” with You! 
 
Signed,
 
Archie, (who takes to heart, too much at times, the bewildered voices searching for the right paths to take)  : )

 

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