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Invest or Divest?

AngelaDear Archie and Angela:

I’m usually described as a 63 year old voluptuous, vivacious, and viking-like, twice divorced single Woman. I have been married for a total of 35 years and have enjoyed my freedom in between marriages and during the last 3 years dating and most recently on-line. I screen carefully, because I show my sensuality in my photos and am not a shy nor prudish female. I am self-sufficient!
 
I am at a crossroads in my current relationship of 4 months and maybe your advice will push me in the direction I need to go.
 
Sexual intimacy with my “boyfriend” was only bestowed after he showed heart-felt romantic gestures to me and only after 3 months of dating and enjoying a lot of different activities and social situations. He wanted to push me, but I kept my foot firmly on the brakes until I thought he and this relationship had some depth developing and his intentions were genuine.
 
For the last several weeks however, my steady boyfriend has become noticably quieter; much less funny and light; increasingly he seems preoccupied and markedly ritualistic in showings of romance, affection, especially out in public. And he has more reasons (excuses?), for being too busy to go out with me at the drop of a hat as we used to.
 
For me the question is: Invest more of my romantic self? or Divest and cut my moody losses? What do you two think? I can now feel myself holding back when he wants to be “instantly” amorous. I am beginning to withdraw too. I don’t like this feeling.
 
Florence from Florida
_________________

ANGELA

Dear Triple “V”,

Communication is the key here; actually always. Yes, Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars; one scientific study even announced that we are different species.  So find your alien translator and explore the reason behind the change.

Perhaps you are both just infatuated with being infatuated, and once that wears off so does the interest.  Have you determined exactly what it is you want from a relationship? What he wants? And is there common ground?

Once we get to know each other a little better, the love goggles come off (or the rose color becomes clear).  We start noticing our “differences” rather than commonalities. 

What was it that attracted you to each other?  What do you love about each other?  Are any of the “differences” deal breakers?

No one can advise you whether to invest or divest in this relationship, because the “facts” as you lay them out are one side of the story and conclusions reached through logic.

No, Triple V, this decision must be made with your heart – and only you have access to that.

Communicate. Explore the reasons for change. And then, ask your heart for the answer.

 

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