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Hot Sex Gone

AngelaDear Archie and Angela:

My question is about dealing with the emotional fall out from just getting out of a live-in relationship and the sudden absence of sex and intimacy.
 
I’m a sixty-three year old male, and successful business owner, that was going through a divorce after a long term marriage soured when I was pursued by a forty-five year old woman who soon moved in with me. She worked at the apartment complex where I had moved to during my divorce and so I know I was easily infatuated. I have given her every benefit of entertainment and culture and my material gifting.
 
But my question is about handling the loss now, of comforting rituals and hot sex I have been used to for the last 2&1/2 years with my younger lover. We have seen each other off and on since and she is a bundle of needs, and I’m not giving in to her requirement that we get married before the sex continues. She has loads of health and stability issues that I just don’t want to become legally responsible for, as part of her package. She’s changed jobs about 6 times in just the time we were together. I think I’m coming into my own so to speak. I am active at a racquet club and need to focus on my business more.
 
I’ve just joined a dating website that a persistent friend recommended, but I am having problems making that first coffee or iced tea meet-up date with a woman. This transition is emotionally hard on me. I seem to lack resolve and even courage. How can you two help me by your advice?
 
Signed,
 
Tim
Nashville, Tennessee
________________

ANGELA

Dear Tim,

Get off your ass and socialize.

OK, that’s probably a bit harsh.

But you have a sh*t load of complaints about this woman.  Why buy the cow when you can get your milk for free?  (or something to that effect)  You don’t want to make any commitments, but you want all the goodies.  Hmmm, perhaps you should think about that one some more.

What emotional fall out?  I didn’t hear anything about love or caring.  All I heard was sex and complaints and what a catch you are.  It sounds like the only emotion you are having difficulty with is loneliness.  Get a dog.

I suspect the “being alone” issue may be the biggest one for you.  Straight out of a marriage and into a live-in relationship.   Have you ever learned to entertain yourself and enjoy your own company?  Perhaps this “transition” is exactly what you need at this stage in your life to become an independent, self-sufficient, and confident man.

Do your personal work.  Get a therapist if you need to.  Then get out and socialize … or just get a dog.  Buck up, man – and find the courage. 

63?  Sounds like 23.

 

ARCHIE’S RESPONSE:

Dear Angela:
 
Archie invites you, most graciously, to strip off your black leather, spiked 4 inch heeled and rough-treaded boots and sit down with some chamomile hot tea and take a deep breath………
 
Because: Archie thinks you were far too rough on good old Tim!  Maybe he doesn’t express his affection well, or in your view, for his ex-lover, or manners of “Love Language” giving.  But what’s with flogging him with several dog-like solutions?  Does he have some self-learnings and “living alone” hurdles to tackle?  Sure!  But Tim deserves some consideration without squeezing him into some female-constructed, Clueless-Male Chauvinist box.  Egad Woman!  Why perpetuate the Wars of the Sexes when the party of the first part is grabbing out for a limb instead of drowning?  And why would a member (Angela), of the party of the second part break the limb off?
 
Archie is most alarmed by this response from Angela.  Good Luck to You Tim, in self-renewal and becoming eligible for an Adult Loving Relationship in the future through your on-line dating site.

ANGELA’S RESPONSE:

Dear Archie:

Maybe what Tim  misses  is those floggings!  One never knows ….

~Angela

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