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Who Am I?

ArchieDear Archie and Angela:

I am getting ready to use online dating for the first time and am having a great deal of difficulty writing my profile.
 
Are there any “do’s and don’ts” that I should be aware of?  Would you make some suggestions for writing a “successful” profile?
 
Thanks for helping me out here.
 
Signed,
 
Barry with the barren profile
______________________

ARCHIE

Dear Barry (w/ a Barren Profile):
 
Archie feels your pain. Anticipated pain that is, at your thought of having to do the “work”. In this instance, it’s about being (on paper), who you’ve come to understand yourself to be…… and  want in some sort of future relationship…….. With Alllll those wants, desires, rather-nots, deal-breaker indicators and generally, wrapped into a really, really neat Madison Avenue Profile Package to attract Women. There’s something mechanical and digital missing here. Let me explain, BBP.
 
Like “Click ‘n Clack” fame, I could refer you to an excellent mechanic, who would surely generate a “successful” diagnosis and prognosis,(that hurts the most), about your difficulty in getting on with writing your on-line, dating profile text.
 
So follow along, BBP, no free and easy tips here….. most dating websites have links for that anyway.
 
First: the mechanic(he/she-whew!), would require you to listen to your engine-voice and detect what, if any, motivational torque you are delivering through your powertrain to your wheels. (You may have a flat or over/under-inflated tires, too).
 
Second: the Ace mechanic (we remember), would professionally want to peer closely at your headlights. “Ridiculous!” you might mumble, But…… his/her purpose would be to check on your vision, and how determinedly you’re wearing a blindfold, or perhaps glasses…. much too darkly. How you see, determines what you see as you careen down the road towards new relationships.
 
Third: Next on the check-list would involve the act of shining a flashlight in one side window to ascertain if any light strobe is penetrating the gloom, showing possibilities of illumination from within your vehicle. There is a chance that the light will just shine out the opposing window….. unhindered. Are you “listening” Barry? ….. Concentrate!!

Finally: With this “individuation” road check, the diagnosis is markedly incomplete without a technical and digital readout. It’s necessary to gather relevant data from your “relationship” memory chip (RMC), . Ahhhh, you might wonder…. (wake up Barry, and start wondering……!!), What kind of quality fuel am I filling my tank with? What noxious emissions are you spewing out when you turn the ignition on and your engine is in gear? In short……. What kind of social environmental “imprint” are leaving behind you as you tool about…….. both past and present?
 
So Barry, you see Archie has made it exceedingly clear and simple for you to go through this required (intro)…spection pit stop, because there are life-long benefits here that go waaaaay beyond writing up a dating profile to begin on-line dating.
 
Because, old sod…. “Know Thyself”, leads to becoming clear and organized about: Who you are: What kind of relationship you want and are willing to develop openly and honestly. What qualities and attributes  You bring to the autoMall showroom, that will allow you  to produce the highest performance! And……. the words will follow. Relate to yourself with integrity and your profile will carry that message outward. But no one else can write Your profile. We all need to get a thorough checkup and make it on-going, Barry. Good luck!
 
Signed: Archie, whose engine might cough a bit now and then, but is still performing admirably while navigating the roads of life.

 

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