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Lights Out

AngelaDear Archie and Angela,

I’ll get right to the point. I’m 62 and in pretty good shape and going to finish up a successful professional career in about 3 years.

I’ve become attracted to several widows about 58 to 60 and have developed a very nice and non-sexual intimacy with each of them. Neither of them nor myself have big pushy plans to “land” a live-in partner, but things are definitely going to get there soon. I’ll have to make a choice. And I guess each of my women friends will too. Each may have other boyfriends but I doubt it.
It’s the sex thing that has me stumped. How can you two help me deal with these things that happen repeatedly when I’m with each of them?
Each talks a lot about their deceased husbands, and in the most glowing ways. I wasn’t jealous for awhile, but now? What’s the deal here?
When I am necking and into some kind of foreplay with each (and they begin to get hot), they freeze up and talk about lights out, under the covers and very traditional kind of roles If we actually had sex. Are we teenagers or what? (of 45 years ago).
Each spends a lot of time with their kids and grandkids and talks about them way too much when they’re with me.
It doesn’t help that each looks great and makes me feel like a King when I’m at their places. I’m not in these relations just for a quick bang, but am I just marking time here? What’s a bachelor to do? No one is demanding ‘vows” first.

Jacksonville, Florida


Dear Lane,

Let me see if I have this right … you like these women, you “neck” with them, no one wants marriage before sex.  But you are concerned about the sex part because two things don’t work for you – they talk about family too much (or just talk too much) and they want to have sex with lights out. 

Hmmm.  That doesn’t seem like much of a problem.  You like them, they like you, you’ve fooled around a bit, they treat you like a king, and there are no obstacles to sex except your views.

How much conversation are you starting to interest them beyond the mundane (not that family is mundane, but you get it)? 

How much activity are you initiating and inviting them to participate in beyond sexual activity?  Seems to me if you create some common ground and activities to create new memories, both of you could talk about that.

Remember that they had long histories with their husbands (and adored them – which means they have the capacity to adore you).  And that their families are important … isn’t that a trait you would want your partner to have?

So suspend your petty hang-ups and get them into bed.  I bet the conversations will change after that.  AND you can work on the sex-in-the-lights-and-out-of-bed thing as you move forward.  JUST MOVE FORWARD and suspend your irks.

Come on, Man!  Are YOU perfect for them??  Give and take a little.  Life is good.  Make it better.


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