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One Time Charlies

ArchieDear Archie and Angela:

I’m a retired socialite and have dabbled in private enterprise as an entrepreneur for some years. I am just unhappy with the men I have screened and then agreed to meet for coffee and such. Although my body is pretty firm and my face looks much younger than other 62 year old women, it is on the intellectual, conversational and cultural elements scattered among the men I meet, that has me seeing a lot of one-time charlies!

Since my second divorce five years ago, I have set out to find my true love and last soul-mate. Instead I’m getting moles, mules, giraffes and toothless lions in men over 60-70. They may dress nicely, have expensive cars, and play a decent game of golf, but I think they’re basically looking to “retire” socially, after some courtship flurries of energy output to obtain a social and sexual health care-giver of sorts. What’s going on out there? I won’t compromise my checklist of important attributes that I rate each male by as we meet.

So what’s an older “girl” to do? There’s just too many women for the number of “nearly-acceptable” males my age.I would hate to think I have to show more of my impressive cleavage, or wear curve-friendly tight clothes around my hips to get more attention from men whose blood is still able to accelerate!

Archie and Angela: I need help!

Constance Saratoga, Florida
____________________

ARCHIE

Dear Constance…

Reading and re-reading your epistle, Constance, is akin to a Woman’s edition of a search for the Holy Grail: Describing a journey to find your “….true love and last soul-mate.”  Oh, My! ….my feet are hurting just imagining your lengthy quest ….but so reassured knowing your body is “pretty firm”, helps me in my divine head-scratching for worthy advice to bestow upon you. (Oops forgot you’ve modestly declared your face to be, “much younger” looking than other 62 yr.old W.).

Let me count the ways…(I know Bill S. already used this phrase…but what the hey?!)…..

Your Q. is ” What’s an older gal to do?”  (in this quest?)….when all the spermatically wiggling males you’ve encountered, miserably fail your vaunted “checklist”…..(I am stifling a smile here)….Have you worked on a loading dock?

With equal combat rights in this blasted and pockmarked field of warfare between the sexes, (or failure to cooperate as respected but logically cross-wired members of the same species), let’s examine your options C.

1. Unless you change something that you can control: such as your thoughts, actions or visceral orientation, (Archie is really trying hard to be “good” right now), the outcomes will keep coughing up more , “….one-time charlies!”.

Are you creative? motivated? flexible? persevering? (yikes! I wish you were chasing Me!)….then use more than one on-line dating website; focus on over 50’s specializations; drop the “…socialite” introduction or handle; screen out those over-materialistic, exhibitionists and men with a smile, line and wax on their mustaches……(that last just popped up on my radar)….Also, C….. try to ease off on the prima donna …. queenie ….. supreme-female-being attitude I’m hearing which denigrates most all males. And finally…….see a shrink, read some self-individuation books…talk to some women Outside of your “gurls-support-system”….in depth and get some new perspectives in relating to less than “perfect” males.

2. Try all those nostrums listed above 5 times, turnaround 3.5 times in a counter-clockwise motion and then….And Then! if nothing pops up and you’ve not changed at all…….call me personally at……..Dang! lost my number…..

Anyway, Archie has given you his best college try. I would’ve said my best NFL try…..but my team lost in the Super Bowl……….So who’s around to comfort Me?  Maybe I have to review my own really, really high standards too……

Signed: Archie: (who is ever-alert to the heartfelt yearning of  mature Women in dire need, as well as male salmon headed from the huge sea of life up into a once-fertile spawning stream! A true conservationist at your service!  : ) )

 

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