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Virgin Again

AngelaDear Archie and Angela:

I am a 63 year old widow, just now entering the online dating scene. Over the months, I have had many men respond to my profile, but far too many are Grizzly McGrisslys (with those “fuck it, I’m not going to shave anymore cause I’m retired” beards), or Huff and Puff athletic types who expect me to climb, swim, golf, run, ski, hike all before noon; or Bad Ass Bikers, who are happy just having something vibrating between their legs. Here is my dilemma. I have met a man who may be the one – not a soul mate or true love, or anything so eternal. He may be the one who will help me break my 13 year dry spell.

Did you ever think that the last time you had sex would be THE LAST TIME YOU HAD SEX? Of course not; neither did I . . . but here I am, over 13 years later with a desire that simply must be met. I am ready to exchange my vibrators and sex toys for the real thing.

I have done my homework and stockpiled the appropriate lotions and potions. I will be visiting my local medicine man to help me in the pharmaceutical department, though men still have it easy . . . just pop that damn little blue pill, and presto, their bodies are ready for what the brain, hands, lips and many other body parts have signaled.

This particular man has demonstrated sweet attentiveness. He has responded to my desire to be playful. How do I know if he will have the patience to reinitiate this revirgin? Everyone tells me it’s just like riding a bike . . . just get back on and ride! I somehow think it is not quite that, and fear that once we are “there, ” the “it” won’t be there, and the “it” will not be what I remember. I don’t think I paid that close attention the last time I had sex. I intend on paying very close attention this time, and am sure that it will not be THE LAST TIME.

Merry McVirgin,



Dear Virginia,

I read and re-read your message and am not seeing any problem here – other than your apprehension.

You met a nice guy, he may be the right one (or right-now one), he is sweet and attentive and playful.  Sounds like a great partner for your “re”adventure.

As for your friends’ apparent attempts at giving you reassurance in this matter, know that all bikes are different.  Some have training wheels, some have one wheel, some have one gear – some have 20, some are motorized and some are manually operated (big smiley face here).

And while the blue magic bullet may seem like a no-brainer solution for the guys, I assure you that “the brain” (largest sex organ and visualization device) must be healthy and un-wounded in order to get the message to the downstairs brain to stand at attention.

All humans have fears and insecurities, and we know that any “unknown” is the scariest. (After 13 yrs. there are some unknowns – or at least as you confide – “questions”.)

Here’s what I say.  I see green lights with your fellow.  Don’t overthink, over-anaylze, or over-worry … feel what’s in your heart and your gut in the moment, pay attention to his signals, and take action.  (In other words – do it!)   Give up your “expectations”.

So what if it’s not the most mind-blowing sex you’ve ever had?  It’s good ‘ol flesh and blood (just kidding about the blood part) sex and not some plastic substitute.  He has hands, and lips, and a mouth in addition to a penis.  Have you found a latex sex toy with all that??  (Let’s not forget the lovely feeling of intimacy, connection, and closeness.)

It seems to me, no matter how hard some might try to pretend, there is always vulnerability with intimacy and sex.  Be thoughtful, kind, loving and playful … and expect that he will give you those things in return.  That’s what it’s all about, McVirgin! (and not just the hockey-pokey – no pun intended).


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